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Whack-A-Mole
When a collapsed building fills the streets with lethal shamblers and sneaky crawlers it's up to you and Runner 3 to put your baseball bats to good use... Cast *Sam Yao *Simon Lauchlan *Maxine Myers Plot 'Perfect Timing.' Sam is irritated to learn that a block of flats has collapsed, driving a hoard of irritated and now homeless walking dead onto your best route into the city. 'Brace Yourselves' Runner 3's enquiry about what happened to the building ends up with Sam rambling about pizza. After a Hawaiian-topping slur at Sam's expense, Runner 3 checks that you are still on the right track. Sam describes your route, but warns you to brace yourselves. 'Retching In Horror' Sam and Runner 3 are momentarily speechless as they regard the resulting devastation from the building's collapse. About 30 zombies are trapped under the rubble, making your onwards journey perilous. Runner 3 makes tasteless comparisons of the zombies to various horror tropes. 'Now, Swing!' Runner 3 likens your task to a gruesome re-imagination of whack-a-mole. 'Kick It Up A Gear' Sam spots movement about two blocks ahead of you. Runner 3 devises a way you can work together to get past the crawlers, but calls dibs on taking them out himself. 'Thirty Six Points' Maxine chimes in to say that Janine and Runner 7 are beating your score - whoever wins the kill pool this month gets a bottle of whisky. Runner 3 says that the route is once again clear, so long as you don't mind the smell. Sam fears that his disapproving tone has turned him into Janine. Transcript SAM YAO: Ugh, great. Just great. Runner Three, Runner Five, you’re going to need to report to the armory before you head out today. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Ooh, giving us toys, Sam? What’s the occasion? SAM YAO: Well, according to the eastern cameras, another whole block of flats came down last night, along one of our best routes into the city. You know, the one that leads to that big fancy shopping center? Only the thing is, the collapse didn’t so much take out the zoms in the area as it did - SIMON LAUCHLAN: Put a seething mass of half-buried, extra-irritable undead smack in the middle of our favorite path? SAM YAO: Yeah, that. And since the hospital’s not exactly a safe place for you runners these days, that crazy three-level pharmacy they put in there is one of our best sources of med kit. We lose that, it’s back to tearing up the bed sheets for bandages again, and… well, Doctor Myers said something about leeches, but I think she was joking. I hope she was joking. Anyway, now that we’ve got weapons to spare, we’re sending you over to pick off as many of them as you can. You’ll want something lightweight, probably, Five. Baseball bat, hockey stick, that sort of thing. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Ah, perfect timing. I was just worrying that my swing with the old baseball bat was getting a bit rusty. SAM YAO: Yeah, should have known you’d be excited. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Hey, I’ve got to get Five here started on an official Abel Kill Count sooner or later, right? And I’ve got a high score to beat! SAM YAO: Oh no, not that again! If this is anything like that time with you and Four in that playground, I swear I’m going to – sighs You know what? Just - raise the gates! siren, gates raising SIMON LAUCHLAN: Any word on what happened to the buildings this time, Sam? Last I remember, there were still people camping out that way off and on. SAM YAO: Cameras didn’t catch it. Janine thinks it might have been a gas leak, which… oh, here’s the thing I don’t understand. Who turns the oven on during the zombie apocalypse? I mean, seriously, what’s going through their heads? “Oh no, I’ve been bitten. Best idea is to cook up a frozen pizza, that’ll take the edge off! Probably not even going to want it by the time it’s ready if it hasn’t got brains on it.” … SIMON LAUCHLAN: … I really wish you hadn’t mentioned pizza. You probably don’t know this, Five, but there used to be this great little place on the outskirts of the city. Made a killer slice back in the day. Bet that’s all rubble, too. SAM YAO: Oh… did they do the kind with the pineapple? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Ugh, you wouldn’t be a pineapple pizza type, would you? SAM YAO: Oh, hey now. SIMON LAUCHLAN: We’re getting, uh, close yet, Sam? SAM YAO: Yep, yeah, just keep following that road you’re on into town. You’ll be coming up to that abandoned nursery school soon. Ugh, yeah, maybe better if you don’t pay so much attention to that. There’s a dentist’s office on the corner. Watch for that instead. Take a right there, and you should be able to see the zoms off in the distance. Ugh, that’s disgusting. You might want to brace yourselves. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Wow. SAM YAO: Yeah. SIMON LAUCHLAN: That is a lot of… SAM YAO: Yeah. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Is it just me, or does the ground look like it’s moving? SAM YAO: Oh, this is worse than we thought. It’s rubble all the way up the block. The building must have knocked down a couple of others on the way down. Looks like there’s at least twenty-five, twenty-six, maybe thirty half-buried zoms, right on your route. You get a pack chasing you on a cloudy day, it’d be like a minefield down there! One grab at the ankle and… well, that’s why we’ve got you two out there, right? I don’t think most of them can walk anymore, but um, keep an eye out for crawlers and shamblers. And remember, if you can reach them, they can reach you, so try not to get in too close, right? Let’s play it safe on this. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Hey, you know when it rains, and all the worms come out of the ground and wriggle around on the pavement? laughs It kind of looks a bit like that. SAM YAO: Great. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Or like if uh, someone had a handful of caterpillars and sort of a squishing sound, sort of mashed them up a bit - SAM YAO: Yeah, alright, Runner Three! We get it! There’s a lot of horribly mangled zombies. You’re going to make Runner Five queasy. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Nah, you’re fine, aren’t you? Now, am I right on the caterpillars, or is it more like, uh, sausages with arms and teeth that someone dropped on the pavement on the way home from the shops, and then maybe stepped on in football cleats? SAM YAO: You know what? You’re really close now, probably best to just to cut the chatter all-together until you’re on the final approach. Don’t want anything to surprise us because we’re uh, wretching in horror. Yeah, yeah, you two – just run. moans SIMON LAUCHLAN: Hey, Runner Five? Did you go in for arcade games much before all this? as his weapon strikes a zombie Now, best way to think about this is like a game of whack-a-mole. Remember that? Little funny things come up out of the ground and bam! strikes a zombie Down comes the hammer! Except instead of waiting for the moles to come to you, you go to the moles. Any we don’t catch on the first pass, we can get on the way back. But you miss the first time, you only get half the points. SAM YAO: No, no, that’s not true. You don’t get any points! SIMON LAUCHLAN: Buried zoms get you two, unless you miss. Five for crawlers, and ten for shamblers, and uh, oh! Thirteen, if you get a head shot. Twenty-five and a power-up for sprinters, but I wouldn’t recommend that until you’ve leveled up. as his weapon misses a zombie Damn! That’s a one-pointer. SAM YAO: Oh, you’re kidding me, right? Five, no one is keeping track of how many zombie points you get. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Uh, Sam? How many kills did Runner Ten have before he went gray? SAM YAO: Four hundred and eighty-seven. Oh, come on! That’s not the same thing! That was just impressive! SIMON LAUCHLAN: as his weapon splatters through a zombie Two points! Come on, Five. Just take a run at it! Now, swing! zombie moan SIMON LAUCHLAN: Nice shot, Five. You’re catching up. SAM YAO: I’m seeing some movement about two blocks ahead of you. Looks like there’s at least four crawlers. Have any arcade game tips for Runner Five you want to share, Three? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Dibs on taking them out. SAM YAO: Yeah, right, yeah. Thanks. That’s a surprise. Runner Five, don’t worry about trying to hit any of them. Just keep running steady. I think if you pass the crawlers at the pace you’re going, that should be enough to distract them and make them head in your direction. SIMON LAUCHLAN: While I sneak up the back and get twenty points! SAM YAO: Yeah, anyway, keep a close eye on them. They may not have working legs - SIMON LAUCHLAN: - or legs at all - SAM YAO: - but most of them can still jump at you. That’s good, though. They’re not great at landing, and it gives Three time to get in close for the kill. Yep, okay, you’re coming up on the first one now. Keep running… keep running… SIMON LAUCHLAN: Burst of speed… now! growls, splatters SIMON LAUCHLAN: laughs Yes! Got it! We keep going on like this, I’m going to hit a triple digit score one of these days. SAM YAO: Wait, wait a minute, if a crawler’s worth five points, doesn’t Runner Five deserve two and a half of those? SIMON LAUCHLAN: But – sighs Yes, fine! Two and a half points each for me and Five. Speaking of which, Five, kick it up a gear! Five, now, go! SAM YAO: How’s it looking? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh, nearly forty points now. SAM YAO: With the zombies? Obviously, I did mean with the zombies. MAXINE MYERS: Only forty points? Simon, there’s no way we’re beating Janine and Runner Seven this month with that score. SAM YAO: Uh, how long have you been standing there? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh, Five and I’ve almost got all of them now. Supply route’s open for business, as long as you don’t mind the uh, smell. SAM YAO: Oh please. Uh, feel free not to describe the smell. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Got any more action in the area you want us to deal with? Five and I are on a roll now, and if we can make it to fifty points, I reckon we can get our hands on one of those big prizes. MAXINE MYERS: I hear whoever wins the kill pool this month gets a bottle of whiskey. Oh, that could come in handy. SIMON LAUCHLAN: For medical reasons. MAXINE MYERS: Yeah, those too. SAM YAO: No, no, everyone stop it! Three, Five, I do not want you going out and finding more zombies! Look, look, you’re engaging with hostiles in the field without backup! This is serious! This is life and death. It’s no time for jokes and messing around! … Oh my God, I’ve turned into Janine. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Always thought your voice would get higher when that finally happened. SAM YAO: sighs Bring it home, guys, yeah? There’s some movement about five kilometers west of you. I’d rather we avoid it. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Yeah, roger that. Forty points isn’t bad for a day’s work, anyway, right, Five? SAM YAO: Thirty-six. You missed four of them on your first try. laughs Anyway, good work, both of you. I’m sure Doctor Myers here would agree with me that having our access to crucial medical supplies and toothpaste restored matters more than some weird bet about who can kill the most zombies. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Uh, so if you’re the new Janine, does that mean you’ll be posing for us in a bikini, too, now? SAM YAO: Just run on home.Category:Side Mission Category:Season Two